To my lovely readers:
I’m very excited to share with you a short story based on a true story and my wild imagination.
Love is a beautiful thing. However, it can be damaging as well.
Don’t commit to anyone that makes you feel less of yourself or dims your shine.
You deserve true love regardless of your sexual orientation.
All the characters are fictional but relatable. Let’s embrace diversity in our society and live in unity regardless of our differences as human beings.
May we be kind to everyone as we never know what someone is battling.
At the end of the day, love is love and love always wins ♥
This is just but the start of one of the many short stories I’m yet to share with you.
Chapter 1: Let’s Leave Labels To Fashion.
It all began in high school, I always thought she was beautiful. I could see the veins on her skin, the joy in her eyes whenever we made eye contact. I couldn’t wait for the warm tight hugs she gave me that left me breathless most times. I couldn’t wait to see her randomly around the school just to smile back at her. I couldn’t wait for her random waist grabs, surprises whenever. I couldn’t wait for her to pass by my cube just to tell me goodnight. On my birthday when she sang me a beautiful song I knew she was the one. Her beautiful melodious voice still haunts me sometimes. I still wish I had a chance with her.
While I was busy focusing on her someone else was focusing on me, her name was Ruby. But as expected, I had no idea and I paid no attention to it like we all do while we chase what doesn’t belong to us and ignore those who want us in their lives.
Did I mention I had an internet crush? Yeah, according to him I was possessed and the only way to break the spell was if he kissed me. He must have thought I was insane or something but that didn’t stop me from opening up to him. I told him about these feelings I had for her. At that point, I didn’t recognize labels. I didn’t know feeling this way meant that I identified as either bisexual or lesbian. Who cares about labels anyway? Can’t we just love whoever we want? And be with whoever makes us happy? I mean, let’s leave labels to fashion!
As expected in any all girls high school lesbian rumors were very common. Well at least in Kenyan high schools. I was rumored to be dating my study partner who was a very beautiful girl with only pure intentions. Well I’ll admit sometimes I also thought we were a thing but honestly? We were never a thing. We just had a very strong and different connection that nobody could understand. We would wake each other up to study, hangout at each others bed’s, watch each other as we got ready and dressed up and it was never weird. Not a single second. She was touchy sometimes, but I wasn’t uncomfortable with it. I knew her intentions were pure.
With all the rumors going round, I was forced to distant myself from my study partner. She had helped me a lot with my studies and being stable emotionally. Our candid conversations will always have a place in my heart. Our tiny notes might have been burnt and all, but I still remember one of them that she had dedicated a song to me – Sent from heaven by Keyshia Cole. Wait, do people still dedicate each other songs to feel special?
High school was over and I had to forget about my princess charming. Wait, is that a thing?
Now I had to deal with the real world which I wasn’t that well conversant in . A quiet girl in this big whole world. She can’t express her feelings but can’t hide them either. Likes to stay home but loves outdoor activities. Likes to chat but only through text. Phone calls were weird to her. Who likes calls anyway?
As time went by she kept in communication with the girl who had adored her from high school, Ruby. They had only been communicating through Facebook since it was very popular back then . If you weren’t on Facebook then, you were missing out!
There was a time that she didn’t have a phone and she thought ruby had forgotten about her. She wasn’t that good at keeping friendships so nobody could blame her.
As soon as she got a phone she reached out to Ruby, after all they had been friends for a long time. They had connected when Ruby was a new student. Their bond was instant. They would write each other notes during prep time and share snacks, well excuse you but if someone shared their snacks with you in high school, they really meant the most to you.
As days went by their conversations grew deeper and deeper. Ruby even asked her to be her Valentine’s date. It was her first time being asked that question and despite her mixed feelings said yes.
Okay she was pretty dumb I mean being asked to be someone’s Valentine’s and still not getting it. She couldn’t understand and read between the lines that Ruby actually liked her.
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Chapter 2: Coming In Terms With Sexuality.
They say first kisses are different for everyone. Some like it, some don’t. It’s magical for others and basic for some. Well their first kiss was a mix of both, but it was definitely the beginning of something neither of them thought they were ready for. Something magical yet complicated.
The kiss might have been amazing, but it just started her issues with her sexuality. It was there though since she was seven but somehow now at nineteen she could understand things better. She had a different more mature view of life and all its possibilities. She was confused, couldn’t make up her mind about these mixed feelings and what was happening to her.
Coming from a christian background, this was considered evil a sin according to God;s commandments. Is God not the one who created us and gave us these feelings? Every night she would cry herself to sleep and pray to Him for guidance, she questioned Him on everything she was going through. She isolated herself from everyone, hid her feelings but that didn’t change reality. She was in love with a girl.
Is it wrong to love a girl? Is it wrong to be with someone who makes you happy? Is it wrong to make decisions that lead to your happiness? Do you see gender or the person when it comes to love? See, we’re just human beings we make mistakes, we take risks. But can society adjust already? Can’t two people be happy without being judged and condemned?
As time went by, their feelings grew stronger with that came danger. We live in an anti-LGBTQIA society. If they happened to display their love publicly it might get them into trouble. They continued to spend time together despite all the questions if they were a couple. Even a blind person could see the immense chemistry between them it was so obvious.
As much as they wanted to minimize their public displays of affection holing hands was the exception. It had become one of the best ways they connected since it made them feel closer to each other. Like in the sci-fi movies, their emotions went wild and stronger whenever they held hands.
It did not take long after this for Ruby to man up and ask her out officially. Of course she said yes not knowing that was the beginning of a lot of drama, jealousy, emotional and mental instability. Look, it’s okay to be in a relationship they are great and all but this was not her type of thing. This was her first relationship. She definitely went all in. Maybe she forgot to carry her brain with her?
See, many think dating a girl is an escape from all the drama, cheating and insecurities that come with dating men. Well, don’t be fooled. Be with someone because you love them and they make you happy. Not because you think it’s an escape from reality.
As a couple, they hung out even more, they talked till late where they would share all their secrets. Although Ruby was very secretive she opened up to her. She shared enough, not too much.
They got addicted to each other and at some point, it could have easily turned into an obsession At some point they became addicted to each other and it was dangerously turning into an obsession, but neither of them was ready to admit that.
Love, lust and obsessions are not the easiest feelings to deal with. You can’t put in words what you are feeling but you just know it feels right. You lose yourself and yes sometimes your brain too. They might have lost both but at least they had each other. They had their wild dreams that never came to pass. They were happy together but they couldn’t show it to the world since queers are not accepted in the society.
Coming from a religious background it was hard for them to even talk about what they were going through to their family and friends. All they had was each other, even when they were fighting the only people they could turn to was each other.
Parents have this tight connection with their children especially mothers. Ruby’s mother was no different.a direct connection to their children, especial mothers. She was a strong religious and prayerful woman who was having weird and wild dreams about her daughter. This led to Ruby breaking up with her girlfriend. This was the first time she had a mental breakdown. Roisin was broken. She was damaged beyond repair. She was back to square one crying herself to sleep and questioning God, wondering why nothing ever goes her way. I mean, have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? That was her life.
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Chapter 3: Break Up To Make Up?
As most couples there were many times when they broke up and made up over and over again. This was just the first. It didn’t make sense at first but Ruby was clearly in love with Roisin and she was just as broken as Roisin and how do you mend a broken heart? By reuniting two broken hearts? If yes, that’s exactly what they did.
The connection was still there and neither of them blamed each other, it wasn’t anybody’s fault that they had broken up. The relationship was still solid.
Thinking back getting back together must have been the worst decision they made. That was the beginning of insecurities, jealousy and an unhealthy obsession.
They started hanging out less, and getting more intimate. This became a huge problem since now all they did was make out and not communicate as much as they used to. The issues they used to talk about were now suppressed.
This led to another break up, bigger than the first one.They cut communication with each other hardly met up to hang out. Still they had feelings for each other, those never went away.
At this point, Roisin was in campus, and just like any other girl, she got to develop a crush on someone, oh no no, it wasn’t on a guy but another girl. This was because of the little attention she was getting from Ruby. She didn’t even care to know what was happening in her life. Yes they’d broken up, but it did not change the fact that Roisin craved Ruby’s attention. When she wasn’t getting any from her, Vicky was giving all of it. Vicky was interested in her, she wanted to be with her and make her happy.
Unlike Ruby, she was very fast when making a move on her. Before their first date, Roisin thought it was only appropriate if she told Ruby about it. That was the beginning of a long term heartbreak. Ruby acted up as if they were still dating while they were not even talking to each other at the time. She had to cancel the date and even stop talking to Vicky.
Vicky was persistent, she was in love and there was no way she was letting go. Although her love was not reciprocated she knew it was meant to be.
Vicky stuck around for sometime patiently waiting on Roisin to make up her mind. She however wouldn’t wait forever. She wouldn’t stop being happy because of Roisin. She eventually moved on to a happy relationship.
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Chapter 4: Haunted By Her First Love.
Roisin was definitely a complicated being. Before she was involved with a girl, she had numerous boy crushes that never led to anything. They were all wasted feelings. Oh, she’s very good at wasting her feelings. Maybe it’s because she never knew what love really was at that age?
She had a teenage boyfriend, her first boyfriend, her first love, the first person she’d talk to till late, the first person that made her think she wanted to get married and have kids. But as they say, if it’s too good, think again. She was definitely dumb to think again but it was something that was definitely meant to happen.
They broke up few months later when he cheated on her not with one but a couple of her friends. Those closest to you can be your worst enemies. Keep that in mind the next time you want to involve them in your personal life.
They were on midterm and he thought the last day of midterm was the perfect time to end their relationship. Roisin went back to school in tears even when her friends were concerned she lied to them that it was homesickness. She never got a chance to talk about it with anyone. She never got closure, she never understood any of it. The heartbreak messed her up and that’s when she decided she wanted to date girls.
The emotional baggage made her make a huge decision in her life that she had no idea about. All she wanted was to feel better and forget about her first heartbreak. Forget about the cute boy next door that made her feel all sorts of things. The boy who gave her butterflies in her stomach, the boy who made her heart skip a beat, the boy who made her hormones overract, the boy who made her think she was right for him.
Eight years later, she realizes she’s not even over him. She realizes she still loves him. She clearly knows he moved on and forgot about her. But she still has hope. She thinks she might somehow have a chance with him.
She avoids everyone that tries to get romantically involved with her even when she’s actually interested in them. She is scared to love. She’s scared of the fact that she’s queer, she’s scared she might fall for another heartbreaker. She’s scared for her pretty fragile little heart. She doesn’t want to feel cute, loved or flattered anymore. She just wants to be alone.
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